Mon Amie ou Non?

Do you have those friends where you love hanging out with them and at the same time you don't? That's how I sometimes feel about a friend of mine, let's call her "Sara" (because I know people who follow my blog know who she is). She's so much fun, and hanging out with her is great.

And at the same time... I don't really connect with her. One of my really really close friends (let's call her "Amanda") knows Sara better than I do, and says that Sara sometimes talks about people behind their backs. But when I question Amanda about it, she says that Sara hasn't said anything about me. And yet...

I don't want to say I don't like her, because I do. But some of my other friends are very close to her and are all, "Sara's so cool, she throws great parties, she said..." and on. During such conversations, I think, "I've never been invited to one of her parties. (Except through offhand "You should come to Sara's" from friends to whom I am closer than her.) She doesn't act like that around me. Why won't she joke like that to me? And the conversation always ends up being somewhat one-sided because I can't really agree, and I can't really disagree, and it's pretty awkward.

So maybe I'm feeling sorry for myself. Maybe I'm being selfish. Maybe she's not my best, best, best friend. But she's so close with all of my other super-close friends... just not me.

She's awesome...but we don't really talk a lot. She only seems to talk to me face-to-face if there's a mutual friend nearby, and then sporadically online.

I want to ask her what she really thinks, and at the same time I don't. I don't want her to think I don't like her. I don't want her to think I'm doubting her credibility as a friend, especially if it's not true. But I do want to know.

Ehh well, I'll find out in due time.

Cheers,
X