L'amour est difficile....

...Or, "love is difficult," if you don't speak French.

Which it is.

This requires quite a bit of backtracking for those of you who don't know my story well. So in June, I started dating Mitch, who I had liked for ages but didn't mention it since he was dating my friend.
It wasn't a typical summer romance, since both of us went to camps and vacations and whatnot, and whenever I returned from a vacation or camp he would have to leave for one. We saw each other about four times over the summer.

Well... I broke up with him. I don't even remember why I did it. It just seemed like the right thing to do at the time, I guess.

As cliché tends to define my life at times, I started liking him again last night at a mutual friend's birthday party. I hadn't talked to him that much since we broke up, (I mean, we talked and joked around as friends and stuff, but it was always just a little bit...off) but it was actually not awkward last night.

I really, really like him... but I also dumped him. I have no clue how I'm going to go about getting him back, don't even know if it's possible...anyone have suggestions? Without telling me that it's kind of my fault that I'm in this mess?

Love sucks....

I think I might ask him to St. Selgae's, which is like our school's Sadie's/girl's choice dance. You need a date to get in anyway, so if I wanna go I might as well.... >w<

I really wanna tell him this... but I have no idea if or how much I hurt him with the breakup. He didn't really let on much... I just wish that I could take back the breakup... or at least read his mind to see if he still wouldn't mind giving me a chance...

Cheers, (though I'm not very cheery at the moment)
X

Mon Amie ou Non?

Do you have those friends where you love hanging out with them and at the same time you don't? That's how I sometimes feel about a friend of mine, let's call her "Sara" (because I know people who follow my blog know who she is). She's so much fun, and hanging out with her is great.

And at the same time... I don't really connect with her. One of my really really close friends (let's call her "Amanda") knows Sara better than I do, and says that Sara sometimes talks about people behind their backs. But when I question Amanda about it, she says that Sara hasn't said anything about me. And yet...

I don't want to say I don't like her, because I do. But some of my other friends are very close to her and are all, "Sara's so cool, she throws great parties, she said..." and on. During such conversations, I think, "I've never been invited to one of her parties. (Except through offhand "You should come to Sara's" from friends to whom I am closer than her.) She doesn't act like that around me. Why won't she joke like that to me? And the conversation always ends up being somewhat one-sided because I can't really agree, and I can't really disagree, and it's pretty awkward.

So maybe I'm feeling sorry for myself. Maybe I'm being selfish. Maybe she's not my best, best, best friend. But she's so close with all of my other super-close friends... just not me.

She's awesome...but we don't really talk a lot. She only seems to talk to me face-to-face if there's a mutual friend nearby, and then sporadically online.

I want to ask her what she really thinks, and at the same time I don't. I don't want her to think I don't like her. I don't want her to think I'm doubting her credibility as a friend, especially if it's not true. But I do want to know.

Ehh well, I'll find out in due time.

Cheers,
X

Bonjour. Comment ça va?

Hey, all. X here. This blog will contain my honest, brutal opinion of things going on in my life.

You ever have those moments when you want to say something to someone, but can't because it's embarrassing / imprudent / insensitive / flaky / whatever? Since those moments tend to define my life in general, and I end up with my foot in my mouth a lot, this will be my new outlet in an attempt to gain a filter on my brain to sort the stupid things I say from the intelligent ones.

Let's hope this works.

Cheers,
X